Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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