the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
