we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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