before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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