i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
