Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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