I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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