Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
