Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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