You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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