too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I love having hate sex.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Randomize