It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Randomize
