I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you would pick up someone in the library
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
