The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
