You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
How external is "for external use only"?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
