Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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