My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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