dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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