i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
