Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
