i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
