What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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