the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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