4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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