Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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