i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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