I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
