and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
