My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
