are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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