I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
