you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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