sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
