Cold hands, warm shart.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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