lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
