I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize