He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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