I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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