I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
