my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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