Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
