This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
