Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
