I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
