Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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