Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
