nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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