that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
