Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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