I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
