Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
