He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
