I just made out with a guy for $7.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
