Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
