i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize