i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
