one might say we're banned from that church
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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