We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
