did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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