I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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