We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
