She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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