I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
