We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
