it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize